Sunday, December 20, 2009

A Day

Today was a day, yes. Something was off, hard to tell what it may have been. We'll see what it was. Perhaps partly another attack of male PMS.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Being Irrational

I've been thinking a lot tonight about things and wondering why I felt a hole in myself. After much introspection it's come to my attention of what the reason may be.

At first it seemed to be a classic example of the regular abandonment issues I have. This isn't the case though.

I trust.

I know there is no reason not to.

I just wish that when plans had changed and became more interesting that I could have been included. Makes me feel like a loser second class citizen. At least an offer would have been nice.

As it is, I'm sat at home watching films and waiting for an email. That is pretty lame.

It would apparently make me not good enough to be taken out as a partner to a social event.

That makes me rather sad. Also, kind of not terribly happy. We just reached a new modus of understanding. I don't want to be a tool and act like a jerk. However, I would have appreciated a signal that would have indicated some inclusion. What I feel I got was "Have a good night, I'll email you later when I'm home".

What would have been fantastic would have been, "Wow! I got to this party unexpectedly and would love you to come and be with me here.". Didn't happen.

I want us to be a couple. I do feel quite strongly about that fact. Even this was endorsed by a crazy woman in the Metro this morning.

Back to the Tudors then! Bon soir!

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Hmm

How do you know if someone wants to be with you? How do you know if they deem you suitable? How do you demonstrate the fact you want to be with a person? How do you express your inner and awkward feelings?

Friday, July 3, 2009

A Note on Male PMS

It does seem to happen. I do recall reading some articles over the years about how males do have regular hormonal fluctuations. Meh, who knows? Some days people are just not 'firing on all cylinders'. When this is the case what do you say to someone that asks you what the issue is? When you don't even know the reason yourself, but you know you're acting differently, what do you say?

Perhaps the best thing to do is to just say you're feeling a bit off and hope that it's left at that. After all we're all human and have the right to have days that aren't as scintillating as others.

If people were 100% consistent day after day, that would probably be an indication that it was either a Stepford wife situation, or some sort of SSRI (or otherwise) was prescribed. This is not to say that having a varied take on life is an excuse to be a jerk. Nor is it a sanction to decide that you have 'cute' affectations of personality. On the other hand if the fluctuations are very broadly dramatic and destructive, perhaps seeking medical assistance would be necessary. It all depends on the pattern

Sometimes you just wake up and feel either blasé or annoyed or who knows what.

Today I woke up and felt good, but kind like I was looking at myself from outside. Neither good nor bad, but detached. In what could be best termed as a true 'meh' mood. There are some things I need to sort out related to family, and am digesting. It must have been one of those ambivelant days.

Anyhow, even though emotions may not have been communicated well today I think that my actions spoke volumes. I did curse and swear quite a lot, and rather elaborately while wrestling a heavy mirror onto a wall but I think the fact that I do care did show through.

Time to watch another episode from a new series to me: Californication. This is a very good show in my opinion, as most HBO shows tend to be. It certainly says a lot about male-ness. Maybe there will be a commentary about the first season as a whole at some point in the future.

Monday, June 29, 2009

The polishing begins...

Tonight a wine cup and a cake knife:











Sunday, June 28, 2009

Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed, Something Blue

This weekend was interesting. Saturday was filled with an adventure in Montreal with I-330. We went “antiquing” as it were. It's a very gentrified sport. She wanted to go to what I call 'antique alley'; a stretch of Notre Dame here in Montreal that is rife with antique stores.

It was an interesting, varied, and at times rainy experience.

Highlight 1: right off the bat we found a great shop that does custom furniture. It looks to be of exceptional quality and they are so flexible that it seems you can design any piece you want.
Drawback: they work with pine, a soft wood. One would need to accept that over the years the material will attain a certain patina because of its nature.
Conclusion: we definitely neeed to go back and explore the possibilities that are entailed with this opportunity. Their prices, for what they offer seemed quite reasonable as well. I figure that we can use some negotiation skills to further get a great piece at a fair price. If that's what's wanted in the end.

Highlight 2: the first incredibly expensive antique shop.
Notable moment: seeing a 'partner desk' that cost $30 000.00!
Conclusion: we were definitely in rarified air at this point. Everything was stunningly beautiful but each piece was worth more than each car of each person I work with it seemed. The person working there was suitably indifferent, as we didn't pull up in a Rolls.
Saucy Thought: It would have been interesting to see if we could have gotten some attention from the 'staff' person by putting a coffee on a table.
Final Analysis: Beautiful things for those that have very wide budgets

Highlight 3: the other incredibly expensive antique shop where it seems I was deemed a potential thief
Notable moment: The woman working there told me it would be 'easier for me' if I left my back pack/man purse with her at the front desk. This is after having to be buzzed in the secure door.
Reaction: I was rather dumbfounded but aquiesced as it seemed so ridiculous that first of all I looked shady, and second it would be possible to fit a 400kg armoire in a small back pack.
Notable thought: For a place that has so many chandeliers that evidently cost more than $15 000.00 they should certainly hang them higher. I spent most of the time ducking and weaving under these things. In such a circumstance, if you hit and cut your head on their stock, it falls and is destroyed... do you buy it? Do you sue for shopping in danger?

Who knows.

Conclusion: An exceptionally surreal and bizarrre experience.

Highlight 4: the desks
Notable moment: I-330 apparently losing her mastery of the decimal system
Causational factor: the fact that these nice desks from an old refurb of the Ritz Carlton are a veritible steal
Notable thought: Must go back and follow up with more questions and examine the construction of these pieces. They were truly a fraction of what we'd seen
Conclusion: To be determined

So, that was the first half of the day. It involved walking quite a bit, and was very enjoyable. The latter half of the day was reflected by us trying to make pierogi from scratch. The whole kit and kaboodle.
This didn't turn out as perfectly as hoped for by either of us, but in retrospect turned out quite well.
It turned out well because we enjoyed doing it together and we learned all sorts of things about what to not do the next time. It was also really nice to see how we have evolved in the sense that we can identify when the other is getting frustrated and work around it to make things good.
This is more about me getting annoyed at dough making, but it seems a good idea to make it inclusionary.

The Creative Idea That Came From All of This

After seeing all of these antique bits and bobs, it occurred to me that I've been storing some family silver for a while. Exhumed it tonight. Turns out to be enough to totally cover my dining room table. The current project is to photograph the pieces all together. Then next to clean each one, and do a before and after of each piece. This will hopefully serve as a record of our family silver (at least what I have) for relatives.
The end goal being that each piece will have it's own sheet of paper to reflect research that I did about the manufacturer, date and place of sale, plus any other salient facts or family anecdotes that can be gathered.

So:
Something Old – Antique shop items
Something New – The custom furniture place
Something Borrowed – Not so much
Something Blue – The glass lining of the silver salt and pepper shakers that were unwrapped tonight

Sunday, May 10, 2009

We

The book that I-330 gave me, where her monicker comes from is WE, by Yevgeny Zamyatin. I asked her to write about it and she was more verbose than I'll be. It's a great book that is as relevant now as it was when written in 1921. Interestingly, it was not published in the Soviet Union untill 1988.


I truly enjoyed this work, it's classic dystopian literature. I did need to keep reminding myself that it was a precursor to later works though. Does D-503 stray from One State because of the influence of I-330 or did he seek her out because he was straying from authority? I think the latter.

I've always enjoyed reading dystopian works because of their pure sterility. Human lives distilled into their most minimalistic form. By stripping away as much humanity as possible, it is then an examination of humanity in a crucible. The human strugggle for existence is key. This is a struggle we all live with, whether we know it or not. Most do not it seems, and are so much more like characters in this type of novel than they could comprehend.

People in general are little better than sheep and submit to treatment as such. 

As extreme a view dystopias present, utopias do the same, just at the opposite apex of the swing of the pendulum. I wouldn't want to live in either.

Below is I-330's take on the book:



We – a grotesque vision of a society through a looking glass 
 
A dichotomy between Utopia and Dystopia

I like seeing utopias as dreams we want to fulfill, and dystopias as the nightmares we attempt to escape. There is an underlying difference, however, in the perspective. One person’s utopia could be another person’s dystopia, for underneath the surface, utopias are the ultimate tyranny – one person’s usurped way of imagining society as it "should be", with no other versions or alternatives allowed. There is a point where utopia might almost seamlessly overlap with the fabric of dystopia.

A society where trying to take a mouthful of freedom was regarded as an act of dissidence and any individualistic attempt was considered opium for the masses can hardly be described as utopian. (Observant readers will certainly be able to find analogies to the works of Orwell and Huxley. Though the events that serve as the armature of We were, unfortunately, subsequently implemented in reality. Zamyatin must have had prophetic powers…) 

The novel serves as a critical and in-depth study of totalitarianism and its far-reaching repercussions, depicting a human being and his condition.
 
In a homogenous society described by Zamyatin We certainly exists. But does I exist? Is there any room for individualism? This question might be asked or looked at in two contexts: primo, in terms of the communist idea of existing in a community (but wouldn’t it be vegetating – being deprived of any traces of individualism and the opportunity to represent a subjective vision and a state of mind?); secundo, through a slightly more philosophical and provocative prism, encouraging us to interpret and analyze the human existence in general. 

The product of that gloomy era could be described as homo sovieticus, a neologism coined to describe a particular species of human beings generated in Soviet times – disciplined by the individualism-suction apparatus. The novel’s protagonist – a conformist serving as another screw of the Integral (as a synecdoche for an “ideal” society) would be this species’ prototype. He does have a chance (we always have a choice) to metamorphose and shed his cocoon, but he myopically refuses to do so. 
But doesn’t it lead to intellectual/social/emotional auto-destruction? 
 
Trotting around in our [largely] monochromatic lives, we could still ask ourselves a seemingly banal question: Who am I? How do I manifest myself in life?

I would be a dry homo sapiens (though a chirring cricket to some). A selective homo legens and a homo dicens (though some would say homo chastisingus). Unfortunately, a homo faber and a homo ludens in my own ways. 
It is hard to a sentient person, however, to conceive the idea of pursuing a chimera and leading a life as a homo sovieticus – a hybrid of a man and a Soviet screw!

Really, is depriving human beings of individualism and creating a hermetically sealed society a panacea for all of society’s ailments? 
How misanthropic could one be to create something as damaging and destructive?! Or was it the history with a capital H and its unstoppable flights of fancy? 
 
A pause for mental digestion...

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Book Reports and Random Metro Thougts

I-330 wants me to do a book review of the work she gave me. I think if I have to do one, she ought to do one as well. She of course had read it previously, hence the selection; but it would be interesting to have her contribute her thoughts of the work to the post.


On another note, I've been wondering how it is that musicians in the Metro establish a sequence for performing or if there is a pecking order, especially for the prime spots. The one where I work is quite popular with the 'musicians'. In quotes because they certainly all are not. Far from it.

Do they have to register? Doesn't seem so.

Must they qualify? Doubtful.

If they must qualify are their spots poached by fakers? Most certainly.

Would it be more interesting if they were Fakirs? Damn right.

If a musician with a higher standing in the pack mentality of these musicians is challenged by a subordinate, what conflict ensues?

This could become a Discovery Channel special feature...

There is a wide variety of talent exhibited, that range also depending on who the person is that is enjoying or having the experience inflicted upon.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Drugs, Knives, and Stairs

Today, when walking with I-330 to the metro I mentioned a quote from Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas:


"You can turn your back on a person, but never turn your back on a drug, especially when it's waving a razor sharp hunting knife in your eye.”


I did omit the latter part about the knife as it wasn't relevant and I'd also forgotten it. This quote has been somewhat prevalent in my life for years. The reasons are not incredibly dramatic, but they are varied and linked. First off, it's a sample that is featured in a certain EBM band's music I'm a fan of, as are other samples from that film in other songs and remixes. It's a film that I was introduced to me as an example of Johnny Depp being fantastic and diverse in his abilities. It also relates somewhat to a previous relationship, where the person was enthusiastic about the concept of 'gonzo journalism'.


It's something that I am sensitive to and always pick up on. Connecting yet another dot in the evolution of my experience with this quote.


Mentioning the quote was a response to a playful push she gave me at the top of a set of stairs. She was most likely not attempting homicide, or at least the indicators would point in other directions (for now). It's interesting how random quotes can be mentioned because of random acts.


I've been conscious of this quote for nearly 10 years. It's quite odd how it crops up from time to time, in very unexpected ways.


Haven't read the book, but always have wanted to. It seems to wind up on that list everyone has, entitled “To Do” that never gets addressed. This being the list that you recall from time to time and kick yourself for forgetting the action items.


I think we all must make an effort to check items off the 'To Do' and move them to the 'Done' list. This is how life is meant to be lived. Otherwise it becomes stale and claustrophobic. At the very least, typical and boring.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

When a Lecture Turns to Horse Sh!t...

First the backstory. I-330 had an avid interest in a round table session at the Montreal Literary Festival. I asked her to see the program of all the lectures and found several programs/presentations that I found quite interesting. By happenstance there was an overlap of one that I was interested in and the one she was primarily interested in. Seemed like a perfect outing for a nice Saturday late moring/early afternoon.


So, off we ventured this morning to the venue...


I won't comment on her experience with her session, except to say that she told me she found it quite enjoyable. However I would like to put forward my experience.


I went to see a lecture about the impact of Charles Darwin on the West. http://bluemetropolis.org/Festival Here's the description of the lecture below, from their website:


"This year marks the 200th anniversary of Charles Darwin’s birth, and the 150th anniversary of the publication of The Origin of Species by Means of Natural Selection. Tijs Goldschmidt, a Dutch writer and an evolutionary biologist will present a public lecture celebrating the impact and legacy of Charles Darwin on western thought and culture."


You would think the topic is about Charles Darwin? No? Well if you didn't think it would have anything to do with Darwin, you would be entirely correct. I was hoping to hear insightful opinions into how Darwin's work has had; or perhaps some interesting tidbits of how he approached his work. Perhaps some insight into the reception from political and religious groups at the time, and over time. Instead, what did I hear about?



Icelandic pony turd practices. Really.



There was a context for this 'shit' however. The lecturer veered away instantly from anything relating to the description of the session. Tijs Goldschmidt said he was tired of talking about his published work for which he is better known. Instead we were to be treated to his views of iconoclasm. Well, if the description of the lecture was this then I would have thought about it differently and might have selected something that was closer to my interests. In fact there was. I was also extremely intrigued by a symposium entitled 'Becoming a Writer' that I was also quite interested in. Although, it could have turned out to be about cultivating Chia Pets for all I know.


Anyhow, the apparent connection between the scatalogical practices of Icelandic ponies and iconoclasm is that the dominant stallion pony will deposit his droppings on top of a lesser ranked one. This evidently speaks to the practice of painting over another artist's work. To his credit, the presenter did draw some thought provoking inferences that had merit. However, it's not that much of a stretch to understand about how male dominance practices play out in an animal population, and how inferences and parallels can be drawn to acts of iconoclasm.


He was an engaging and entertaining speaker who held the audience's attention with little effort. He spoke with aplomb. His closing that related to a sculpture on Oscar Wilde's grave was quite entertaining and left everything on a light note.


Interestingly enough it appeared that the majority of the 100 or so that comprised the audience had probably been on the Beagle themselves. The scent f mothballs was palatable. It was immediately evident that the ones near me in line were quite rude. Butting in front of people with a very defined air of unconcern. This same group continued to whisper amongst themselves during the presentation, but only after chastising the organiser that they could not see the screen for the slide component of the presentation. They actually made the speaker ask the AV tech to move the podium to the floor from the stage so they could see the screen.


Jesus Christ, were they there to see 6 slides or to listen to a scholar who had travelled here speak? Evidently, with age does not come grace or respect.


Anyway, it's what happened after this that is occupying my thoughts. I managed to really anger I-330 through my mulish stubborness and lack of tact. This is difficult for me to face.


The subject was a silly, small thing relating to what I'd said about the timelines of our presentations. I think that when I was calculating when we would each finish our sessions I was looking at the wrong times, below instead of above them in the schedule. Anyhow, I'd apparently said one thing, and thought another and I'd crossed the wires in my head. The net result was that she was expecting me to finish rather a bit later. This wasn't the case. I was already agitated from this mystery session, and listening to the guy sat next to me ranting about his stupid flash for his camera for 20 minutes. When she expressed her surprise that I'd finished early I became defensive of my time calculation skills and was gruff and analytical, thereby making her angry. I was also a tad obtuse. I didn't help matters by then reacting to her anger with detachment; matters were certainly not improved by becoming minimally communicative.


I was a jackass and perhaps a bit of an Icelandic pony to boot...



What I wanted to do, and was thinking of doing as she walked over was to give her a hug and ask her how it went for her. Instead I didn't think and wound up making a mess. She is an inspiring, engaging and truly interesting person. Sometimes I forget that the way I approach things in an analytical fashion isn't terribly attractive.


I've been conscious of this in the past and know that I need to couch my analytical self in more approachable terms. It's not that I try to make her angry it's just that sometimes I don't think.


This post will end here, but will be continued.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Vegans

This seems to be a growing trend. It appears to be a “sheeple” choice by and large however. I don't fault anyone for choosing this, but I believe it ought to be done for personal reasons, rather than to be a follower. I see people who also can't wait to declare, “I'm sorry, I can't eat that since I became vegan.” as a way to draw attention to themselves at dinner.


I mean, come on... who really gives a toss about what you eat in the long run? I certainly don't. If you have dietary issues or choose not to eat meat for whatever reason, fine with me. Don't force your views on me, and don't drag me to a resto where all they serve is dirt and moss. Veganism is an order of magnitude more strict and (in my opinion) a cause for an unbalanced diet. Three quarters of vegans I know look pale and sickly and catch common illnesses with a higher frequency than seems to be the norm.


Respect of a dining partner's wishes is a two way street. I see some people who have become vegan being overenthusiastic. They are somewhat like reformed smokers in their actions towards those that still consume their nemesis. Don't ram your choice down my throat, unless you wrap it in bacon. Fascist vegans be warned.


I say to all militant vegans. Chill. The. Fuck. Out.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Company PR In The Modern Age

This week an interesting situation has arisen in relation to a YouTube video posted by two employees of Dominos Pizza in the United States. The video was filmed by a female and the subject was male. There is a great deal of idiocy recorded in the footage; this is exemplified by the male involving food prep and bodily functions.


New York Times article here


The participants have stated that it was a prank, well, that is now beside the point. That they did this and chose to record it is, in a word: stupid. What is downright asinine is posting it to Youtube.


The fallout for the employees include being fired, having arrest warrants for them issued, being charged, and facing potential jail time.


For being idiots.


The head of Domios Pizza USA has posted his own YouTube video commenting on this situation, appealing to his customer base to understand that his brand represents quality and integrity. This is where it gets interesting. Never before (to my knowledge) have two mouth breathers at the bottom of the food chain been able to influence the public impression of a global brand with a stupid stunt to such a level that the president felt the need to address it publicly.


Even more interesting is the medium at use. The fact that the internet has enabled this dynamic duo to wreak so much havoc is testament to the power that viral video has in the Web 2.0 context. The fact that they could do it despite being candidates for the Darwin awards also speaks volumes. [This is evidenced by a post I saw today from a guy living in a trailer that had skunks underneath, asking how to prepare them for dinner. I expect he owns a banjo, a canoe, and feels that Jack Nicholson might just be a temporary soulmate.] Evidently the ability to participate in the forum that is the internet has no boundaries. It hasn't for quite a while. This is also illustrated buy the fact that my words are here as well.


The proletariat appears to have impact these days.


The woman that is responsible for a blog I read regularly mentioned today that this entire situation will become part and parcel of business case studies in the ensuing years. You can read her post here


It is clear that we all need to consider the ramifications of our actions online, as once something is committed it is irretrievable. There are enough regrettable photos of Spring Break to attest to this. Once we post an item, we lose all control over its destiny. The internet is permanent, and pervasive. You most likely will be Googled prior to a job interview for example.


This is a cautionary tale to anyone that is compelled to post their shennanigans online, to give it a second thought before clicking that submit button.

Long live the people.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Écomusée Musings

I went to the Écomusée with I-330. We have agreed on this moniker.

It was my idea to go this exhibition, as I was quite interested to see the industrial history of a certain zone of the downtown core. The idea was to see the pedigree of familiar buildings, the changes they have undergone over the years; in purpose, ownership, function, etc. Also of great interest was to be able to see the machinery involved in the production of goods from the late Industrial Revolution in Montreal.

What we saw was quite a bit different than I had hoped for. It wasn't terrible, but seemed like a shadow of what I was greatly anticipating.

We saw a series of photographic collections of the people that were experiencing daily life in the region. There were a few artifacts like invitations to union sponsored company outings. This was a depressed region up until the last few decades evidently. It has been somewhat gentrified by the "Village" and other developments.

It was interesting to see, but not really at all what I was hoping for. I will say that I wouldn't have wanted to see it with anyone other than I-330 as I truly enjoy her company, and the experience we bring to each other from these outings.

If I were to create the exhibition in my own fashion, it would be quite different. Imagine being in a cavernous old brick structure smelling somewhat musty and presenting itself as dilapidated but structurally sound. There would be the same photographs, however they would not be the focal point. They would be accoutrement's to immense, dangerous Industrial Revolution manufacturing artifacts lit from darkness in sharp pools of piercing light set on an unhewn floor.

The stark shadows and bleakness would illustrate the conditions under which these people existed. It would also be interesting to have samples of tools that were used, and to make them available. This way people could feel the mass involved when it came to wielding them, for such minimal pay under such terrible labour circumstances. By not having artifacts on display that I felt a visceral connection to, I felt removed from what the experience was meant to be. Viewing an experience from a van during African Lion Safari, as opposed to experiencing a personal, visceral interpretation of life in the time. Somewhat "Disney-fied".

All in all, I expected more, but it was still interesting.

The labour conditions could then become a jumping off point to discuss the general socio-economic situations that were part and parcel with employment conditions at the time. After all, this is how workers today have the rights they do. In my considered opinion, unions need to realise that their time is over as they no longer need to fight in such a way for the rights of their membership. 

The fight has been won. Time to stand on your own merits.

I'm looking forward to a croissant tomorrow morning.


Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Future Topics

There are some topics I will be addressing.

- Being unilingual in a bilingual province
- The role of government in social programs
- How amazing it is that so many people are able to function with such limited world views and IQs
- Anecdotes from the office where I work. This will of course remain unidentified
- Reviews of the musicians in the metro system, who are generally crap but sometimes amazingly inspiring

- Anything else that comes to mind (who knows what this could encompass)


Here I am, finally

I registered this blog months ago and so far have done exactly zero with it. In fact, slightly more than zero, but effectually zero. Someone close to me (We'll call her I-330) has exhorted me to use this forum as a way to express random thoughts and such. This will of course become such a forum, but it does take discipline.

What's the purpose of having a blog after all? Is it a self-serving ego vehicle? Is it a way to make others aware of a plight? Is it social commentary?

All that and more I suppose.

This spot will be used for something or other. At this point it's a bit up in the air what it will be however.

I may discuss day to day life in Montreal, life experiences, or something completely random.

More to come.